and she was petting her beer can
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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