i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
