Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
