I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
