Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
