so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
