I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize