You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
