i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Mom said you looked used
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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