I cockslap morals
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
