idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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