I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
