NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
