her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
