genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
