it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
