you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
