please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
