***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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