how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
