i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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