new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
