Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
