Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's just like the Real World with babies
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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