CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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