rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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