I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
