I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
