..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
