hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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