i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
