so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
