Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
