with your own penis?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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