You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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