I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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