Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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