please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize