nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
