so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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