Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
