i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
