Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
