Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
