Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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