you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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