I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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