Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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