Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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