Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
