Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
