I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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