i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
