SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
