I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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