Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
