Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
is that a dick in a sweater?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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