So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
