He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
