She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
