I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize