He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
