DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
