I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
