Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
