yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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