I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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