im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
