are you still at the devil's house?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
