help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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