he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
