I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize