well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Randomize
