ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
