Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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