You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
