I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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