and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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