My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
