Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
