I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
