Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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